Opening to love in romantic partnership is very different to a whirlwind 'falling in love' experience.
In fact, I wonder if falling in love is actually code for falling in admiration.
A, "fuck, darn it, now I'm in love and I've got no say over it".
This is usually what we call being struck by admiration.
Here we DO fall.
We meet someone and we are so breath taken by their admirable qualities that we develop 'love like' feelings. We want this 'highly desirable' human to be 'the one'. Combine this with the bonding chemicals that are released through sex and 'boom', we are "accidentally" "in love".
The lower our self esteem is the more susceptible we are to putting the men we admire up on a pedestal and becoming infatuated by the qualities they possess that we don't believe we ourselves embody. We seek the alpha, the best looking, the strongest, the sexiest, the most intelligent, the most charismatic...
We seek someone who will fill in the gaps we lack. We want...
Whilst anger is a natural part of the grieving process, I've barely touched it during this break-up.
I guess it didn't really make sense being angry. I logically understood all the reasons why the break-up was an inevitable decision and why it was, in the end the most loving course of action. I had felt so much gratitude by how much my ex had loved me, by how hard he had tried to make it work.
I'd felt compassion for myself, for my ex, I'd Byron Katied the shit out of it!
Regardless, over the last week I've had flashes of outrage. I felt so much fury stirring up within, I'd even fantasised about putting a curse on him..... Yep!
Haha, it was next level evil.
Because, in spite of all the good reasons and best intentions, 'How dare he break my heart!'
Furthermore this anger is unacceptable to me. As much as I advocate for feeling ALL the feels, this falling into a victim role grossed me out some.
Don't I run a WHOLE section on forgiveness during the Awakening Men program...
Lets face it, when it comes to intimate relating and sexuality we all carry wounds and traumas.
Life is challenging for little souls. We come into this world, innocent, open, deeply vulnerable and then shit happens.
Maybe, when we were a little, wittle one, something big happened or maybe something really small happened.
All the same it was terrifying to our vulnerable little selves.
At an age where our survival depends on being loved and cared for by our primary caregivers, where we have no choice but to depend on others, the fear of rejection, or abandonment from a small incident can be just as traumatic as a much bigger experience.
In our intelligence we find ways to cope. Ways to control life. Ways to avoid wounds that are far too big for us to deal with in the moment.
We strategies, we build defences.
We become over-functioning, super stars, ‘everything perfect’ men and women OR we go the other way protecting ourselves by under-functioning. Safer not to care,...