sexuality Jun 14, 2020

Lets face it, when it comes to intimate relating and sexuality we all carry wounds and traumas.

Life is challenging for little souls. We come into this world, innocent, open, deeply vulnerable and then shit happens.

Maybe, when we were a little, wittle one, something big happened or maybe something really small happened. 

All the same it was terrifying to our vulnerable little selves.

At an age where our survival depends on being loved and cared for by our primary caregivers, where we have no choice but to depend on others, the fear of rejection, or abandonment from a small incident can be just as traumatic as a much bigger experience.

In our intelligence we find ways to cope. Ways to control life. Ways to avoid wounds that are far too big for us to deal with in the moment.

We strategies, we build defences.

We become over-functioning, super stars, ‘everything perfect’ men and women OR we go the other way protecting ourselves by under-functioning. Safer not to care, safer to set others expectations 'low', safer not to reach too high, or shine too bright.

One of the biggest myths that we perpetuate as a culture is that we should feel shame about our wounds and traumas, and so instead of meeting them with love, we push them down and build walls around them. A calcification happens around these wounds, and we then spend the rest of our lives being run by the very things we are trying to avoid.

These calcified wounds get stored in the body and forgotten about and yet our whole world (the risks we take and don't take) are devised and LIMITED in an attempt to not have to feel them.

Tantric embodiment is one of the most powerful healing journeys I have come across.

When people hear about tantra, they solely think; sex. They couldn't be more wrong.

Yes, the expression of sexuality is the life blood of this tantric work.

But it's not sexuality for pleasure sake alone, because whilst this would be GREAT, genuine access to pleasure and joy is not available until the wounds are traversed and confronted.

Instead of using sexuality as a defensive strategy, going through the motions with seemingly 'fun', yet disconnected "moves", to mask the vulnerability that's there, we found that this work would instead draw out the repressed wounding, the repressed rage and grief stored in the body. It would bring up ALL the shame, all the childhood stuff, all the high school stuff, all the stuff about romantic / sexual interactions, all the longing...

WHY would we want to do that? You might ask?

Well because we cannot, CANNOT, selectively repress. We can't choose to have the pleasure and the bliss and the multiple orgasms and the euphoria and the liberation and the joy, WITHOUT being able to feel and deeply experience the darkness of life. We have to FEEL IT ALL.

It's not a buffet where we pick and choose. We either have the courage to devour it all, or we are left with bland, numbness, disengaged.

We all have some sort of trauma that connects sexual expression and or intimacy with fear of abandonment, the fear of rejection, inadequacy or experiences of shame.

And so a journey of healing liberation was born, a journey where participants would learn to connect with themselves, their bodies and their traumas through movement, through breath, through touch and through sound.

So spectacularly simple and yet achieving a potency and profundity that talk therapy could not touch.


When we tap into our body we are in essence tapping into pandora's box. Who knows what we will find within?

Try it for a second, close your eyes, feel if you will have the vulnerability of shutting off the sense of sight.

Now breathe. 

Breathe DEEP. 

Let the breath travel to every part of you.

Notice that simply by going within for a few seconds we can begin, if we are willing and open, to turn up the volume on our sensations and emotions.

When we go within and start to move we encounter blockages.

Parts of us that are tight, wound up, restricted...

  • our jaws may be clenched,
  • our hips locked tight
  • our shoulders shrugged forward protecting our heart chamber and minimising attention to our breasts,
  • our stomachs pulled in restricting out breath,
  • our vaginas squeezed tight
  • our emotional realms or physical parts numb


We may not even notice how we are holding our bodies in ways that are restrictive and protective. The ways we hold our bodies can go unnoticed if this has become our norm.

When we hide from our wounds life needs to be controlled and managed. We are on the defence, ensuring that our wounds don't get touched or activated.

This is so different to standing in our softness and openness.



  • the jaw is loose, the lips slightly parted open
  • our bellies are soft with breath moving freely and deeply,
  • our hips are flexible and mobile
  • our chest is naturally upright and open, confident and welcoming.
  • our genitals relaxed


We feel peaceful, available to life and flexible to whatever will come our way.

There is an element of surrender that permeates our day, there is an easeful naturalness in our movement and expression. We know we have wounds and we are not afraid of them. There is an understanding that anytime these wounds get touched we have a chance to give them the space they need to heal.

And so when people brave the wisdom of their tantric bodies they become their own healers.

Bit, by bit, they start to unfold. They inch closer to the calloused wounds, these wounds start to soften, the painful puss (the range, the grief, the pain) pours out.

They let out a scream or a thousand tears.

They give themselves permission to feel and release. They no longer have to hold themselves together, they are free.

Free to shake, free to yell, free to cry, free to laugh (loudly), free to climax, free to let go, free to be seen.

And with each liberated expression, our body guides us back to health and wholeness.

Alejandra Nicolazzo


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